Wednesday nights are Ellie's ice skating night and Jeff always takes her. It's sort of their little daddy/daughter time. She does lessons and then they free skate together. Well this Wednesday, Jeff had a late meeting and he wasn't going to make it home in time to go to the lesson. So, it was me and four kids who hit the road Wednesday night.
Though we've lived here for almost 5 years, the route 273/route4/route 896 area of Newark remains a mystery to me. Everytime I drive in that area, I feel like I must be lost. Jeff used to say that he thinks Washington, DC employees a team of people to go around changing road signs, and I feel that way about Newark. It's like the brain, it can be studied but never fully understood. Of course, skating lessons are in that vicinity and knowing this, I googled "University of Delaware Skating Rink" and dutifully looked at the map. We left with PLENTY of time, cause I knew I had to get four kids there, out of the car, into the building, get skates on Ellie, get her on the ice, and maintain some kind of order over the other three.
Jeff had told me to make sure I dressed everyone warmly, since it is cold inside the ice rink. So Maggie's got on a hooded sweatshirt and sweatpants, Jack's in long sleeves and jeans and I have a blanket over the baby's carseat. Ellie was dressed in her typical leggings with jeans over ensemble. Keep in mind that Delaware is currently hotter than the surface of the sun. So the whole way to the rink, the kids are screaming that they're hot, and truthfully by the time we arrived at the rink they'd probably all lost weight from sweating.
Needless to say, I got lost. I tried calling Jeff, but he was not answering. I thought to myself, "C'mon Moran, you can do this, Newark's not this big. Stoned college students find their way around all the time." Suddenly I remembered that my good buddy Kristen is a UD grad, and luckily, she also answers her phone with regularity. Kristen was kind enough to not only give me directions, but to stay on the phone with me like some kind of directional 911 operator.
We found the place with moments to spare. I started herding the troops in the door and I notice something suspicious... everyone coming out of the rink is dressed in normal clothes. That's not totally accurate, the obvious skaters were wearing long sleeves and pants, but the spectators were all in shorts. Great. So lesson learned, in 100 degree heat, even the ice rink is warm and you look like an asshole if your kids are wearing sweatshirts.
Anytime I enter a building that is not specifically designed for small children, I get the same feeling I do when playing pinball and you get the "multi-ball" prize. Trying to keep my eyes on all the kids, trying to make sure that they're going the right direction and occasionally whacking one so send it the way you want it to go. I herded them all over to the bench and that's when I realized that I don't have the prepaid skate rental card. Luckily, the woman at the desk took pity on me and didn't make me take all four kids back to buy a skate rental. I grabbed the skates and ran back to where all the kids were sitting. Skates get on and that's when I realized I'd forgotten the helmet and gloves. Damn. Oh well, what's a little head injury between friends, off you go Ellie.
Ellie skated out to what I hoped was her class, since I had no idea and I take the kids over to the bleachers. To get to the bleachers, you have to pass the vending machines, and every parent knows that vending machines hold the key to happiness. Every little brightly colored package contains pure child joy. Maggie immediately started begging for M&Ms and Jack just started shouting at them in two year old garble. We found a seat and I started trying to dole out the crayons and stuff I brought to entertain the kids. My next mistake was to actually try to watch Ellie doing her lessons. I looked away, and when I looked back, Jack was gone. I could hear him calling me, so I wasn't stressing, but I didn't want to lug Will around in his carrier while chasing Jack, so instead I did that thing where I backed away from Will, still facing him, trying to get a visual on Jack. I headed towards the vending machine, thinking I would find him with his face pressed against the glass. Backing up, backing up... I can see all the machines but one and there's no Jack, and his yelling is getting more frantic. One more step and I see Jack, with his arm stuck up to his shoulder inside the vending machine.
An interesting thing happened next. The lower half of my body turned to run and free him, while the upper half turned and realized that to do that I'd have to lose sight of Maggie and Will. Then the upper half turned to save Jack while the lower half tried to go back to get Maggie and Will. So after watching me do this parental watusi, a woman sitting near the car seat offered to keep an eye on him while I saved Jack from vending machine amputation. Isn't it funny how it's completely socially acceptable to let a total stranger watch your children in a public place, but not your luggage in an airport?
So disaster averted, Jack still has the use of both arms, baby's asleep, middle children have snacks... what the hell is all over Jack???? I looked at Jack and was shocked to see that in one minute he's covered in mess. Brown and red mess. While my brain tried to process how he got so dirty so fast, he smiled at me and spit out the chewed up M&Ms he had in his mouth and smeared the results all over his shirt and pants. My first thought, I'm ashamed to admit, was "That's a Gymboree shirt, damnit!" I looked at the clock with some desperation, how much time could be left? 20 minutes. All this had happened within the first 10 minutes of her lesson. Good God.
When people see me with all four kids, and they invariably say "you have your hands full!", my standard response is "There's never a dull moment." And I mean it. Luckily, we made it through the rest of the lesson unscathed. I marched everyone back out to the car and proceeded home with the single minded thought that I would be able to turn them all over to Jeff when I got home. My hopes and dreams were crushed when I rounded the corner at Flint Hill Road and saw his car wasn't there. So I did the only thing I could think to do... I drove around the block a couple more times until I saw he was home, cause I was keeping them all strapped to car seats until I had back up.
The next night... I sent Jeff to Maggie's gymnastics lesson with all four kids and had a glass of wine while getting my hair done. Ahhhhh.......
1 comment:
haha - I like the luggage comparison.....how true!
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